This short story was written in response to this WP, or “Writing Prompt”, on Reddit:
“WP: Humans have begun mutating at an alarmingly swift pace. Some humans consider the mutation to be an evolutionary advantage they have been blessed with, while most humans are purely disgusted by the changes they cannot understand.”
“I just don’t know how to deal with them, Doctor.”
“Oh, nonsense, Tommy!” Dr. Bloom slapped the boy on the back, a bit too hard for his liking. Tommy tried to discreetly rub his shoulder. The doctor was too excitable to notice anyway.
Dr. Bloom turned to Tommy’s parents, who stood together by the medical curtains. “Your son’s been blessed, Mr. and Mrs. Putnick. He might not feel like it now, but you better believe he’ll be popular later in life.”
“I don’t want them all,” Tommy mumbled. He could feel his face blossom into another shade of red. 30 minutes of this had truly pushed him to his embarrassment limit. It was a wonder there was any blood in the rest of his body… maybe that was a good thing.
“Don’t want them!” Tommy’s father chuckled. “Can you believe that, honey?” Mr. Putnick adjusted his horn-rimmed glasses and glanced at his wife, a twinkle in his eye.
Mrs. Putnick fought to suppress a smile, her lips pursing too tight. “Be nice, Fred. He’s just a boy. It’s hard at that age.”
“That’s what she said!!” Dr. Bloom exclaimed, practically leaping from his seat. With that, even Mrs. Putnick lost it. The three howled in laughter that echoed violently against the small white walls of the hospital room.
Tommy willed the tears back from his eyes. “You all don’t know what it’s like!”
“Don’t know!” Mr. Putnick exclaimed, removing his glasses to wipe a tear from his eye. He turned to Tommy with a smile. “Boy, I wish I did. Do you know how many more siblings you’d have if I got to pleasure your mother with fourteen penises?”
Mrs. Putnick slapped her husband’s chest, her playful anger failing to cover the giggles. “Fred! That’s too much!”
“You’re father’s right, son.” Dr. Bloom scooted forward on his rickety black stool, placing a hand on Tommy’s knee. “You’ve got fourteen nice, healthy dicks. Everything’s working great. It’s like a blooming onion of potential down there.” He nodded down to the medical gown with a wink. “You’ve got lots to look forward to.”
“You don’t have any idea what it’s like in school!” Tommy shouted. “I can’t wear jeans anymore, because it just… sometimes things just happen, and it gets really… painful.”
“Jeans? At your age? What era are you from!” Dr. Bloom scoffed. “There’s a reason jeans are for children, son. Real men wear skirts.” Dr. Bloom shook his head. “You tried to squish all of those into JEANS…”
“We tried to tell him,” Mr. Putnick sighed. “You should be proud, Tommy. 14 penises for a healthy 14-year-old boy. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“But I just want one! I only need one!”
The room suddenly grew silent. Tommy looked at the doctor, then to his parents, then back at the doctor. The ticking of the clock on the wall became deafening.
Dr. Bloom’s chair squeaked as he leaned back. His legs slowly straightened and crossed at the ankles, careful to keep his skirt from revealing anything. He folded his arms and looked at Tommy. He sighed.
“Many years ago, the people of this world had to settle, Tommy. They had to be happy with their lonesome genitals.” Dr. Bloom’s clenched his fist in triumph. “But this is today! You have no idea what you’re asking for, my boy. Why would you willingly give up 13/14ths of pleasure for the rest of your life?” Dr. Bloom turned to Tommy’s parents, sudden concern on his face. “He does know what you use them for, right?”
“I KNOW what they DO!!” Tommy fidgeted and glanced around, not sure where to look anymore. “I know what to use them for!! But this is just ridiculous! How would I ever be in a situation that would require them all??”
“That’s a pretty wonderful problem to find the solution for, champ,” Mr. Putnick nodded starkly. “It’s not rare. Even your mother has five vaginas.”
“DAD!!!” Tommy felt sick to his stomach. He instinctively turned to his mother for help. She shrugged.
“My advice,” Dr. Bloom offered with another knee pat, “is to accept yourself as who you are. There are plenty of people out there who would kill for half of what you’ve got. They’ll grow on you.”
Dr. Bloom’s lips quivered. “In… more ways than one.”
They could only fight it for a second before the three erupted into uproarious laughter again. Tommy sighed, his sad eyes falling onto the space between his legs.
If only he’d been born in another time.